Skin Deep

tansanalopez:

Santana stood there for a bit, stunned into a dumb silence with her small hands pressing at his abs and warm body that radiated a sense of comfortable security through her. She tilted her head into the heat of his mouth and words blanketing the side of her face, wishing to take solace there in a rare moment of safety and empathy. But of course, instinct and bitchy customs took over and her guards were immediately placed forward.

“Fuck I don’t need your pity,” she managed to choke out stubbornly, forcing herself into a halting reality and slipping into old habits of telling lies to herself and to everybody around her until they were true. I don’t need anyone. I’m better off alone. I’m not hungry. Repeating fiction and untruths until they were reality and using anything to avoid real feelings or real emotion. Pushing him away, physically and emotionally, Santana took a step back and wrapped her arms around herself again, the rational and lonely part of her wishing for nothing more than to be comforted, to be chosen, to be cared for. But it was so fucking stupid and so fucking typical. She now felt like she had to do stupid shit like what she’d been doing in order to generate some kind of artificial, momentarily fleeting sense of emotion in order to get people to notice her, to at least pretend like they gave a shit once they’d gotten what they’d needed from her and her body. Her thoughts, bitterly of course, skittered to Quinn who only ever needed to walk into a room to get noticed. Even in her stupid, perfectly pressed and ironed babydoll dresses and fluffy cardigans and crosses laced around her neck. 

“God why do you even care, huh?” she asked viciously, feeling the blood rush under her skin and flushing her cheeks heatedly. At least yelling at him made her feel pissed off and angry, which was some kind of emotion. “You don’t need my legs intact to get a good fuck.” 

“Why wouldn’t I care?” Puck asked, taking a step back. His body was hit with the cold after she pulled away, mainly because he was still naked, but the coldness of her words hit him like an iceberg hit the Titanic. The sudden burst of anger scared the shit out of him. He wasn’t expecting an outburst out of nowhere, he was only trying his best to show his support. The look on her face was something that usually came about fifteen minutes before some nice anger sex, but sex was the last thing on his mind. Her thighs were the first, in the least sexual way. Instincts kicked in, and Puck stepped forward again, grabbing her elbow to stop her from pulling away again.

“And I don’t pity you. I feel like shit that you’ve done this to yourself for God knows how long.” his eyes bore into hers, trying to read into her. The anger in her eyes was enough to send Puck into a full rant. Just to prove something to her, and himself. That he wasn’t some heartless prick and he genuinely cared about her well-being.

“You really think I’m that heartless? That if the cuts were, say, on your arm that I would still try and have sex with you? That you’re just another person in the school who I would hump and dump and never think twice about? You’re one of my friends, Santana. You were there when Quinn wasn’t. You were there when Finn wasn’t. You’ve been there a fucking lot, and I appreciated it.” Puck pulled away from her gaze and started pacing the living room. “You of all people should know I care about you, more than just another lay.”

Source:puckpuckpuck